Callum Adams
MY HEAD IS NOT A SODDING TIC TAC Spazmoid! '''Callum Adams '''is the main protagonist and nonce destroyer of the series, Callums Corner. Callum is a philosopher, master fighter, expert roaster, anti-feminist anti-vegan, King of the North who vlogs about his daily life, to present his teachings, reviews, and words from his heart to his viewers. In Season 5, Episode 14, Callum committed kamikaze by radiation poisoning. Biography Callum Adams was born in September 11, 1989, in Gav's nans hole. Callum hasn't revealed all of his early life, however he mentions his childhood and young adulthood in his vlogs and through cousin Gregory. according to cousin Gregory, him and Callum constantly hung out together. They played croquet together with his lying Cousin Tim, who is a massive prick. Callum murdered him with a jackhammer when they were both seven. According to a story from Callum, he and his friend George pranked a teacher (who was known to be constantly livid) by turning his slides for a presentation upside down. George is now dead (anal prolapse, aged 4). When Callum was called out for his actions and sent to the headmasters office (which was a Nunnery) Callum noticed the middle aged Nun exposing some cleavage and became aroused. When the furious Nun noticed this, she punished him by making him stand against a wall for multiple hours. Callum regrets this event to this day. So does the nun, as she soon after contracted stage 5 epic gay disease. Callums mum is a slag. According to Callum she didn't take care of him as well as he does to his sisters Amy and Vladimir. When he was 6 years old she shoved his finger into his mother's piss drawer and it left a permanent scar. He later contracted chlamydia through this wound when he fingered Brie Larson. Callums long head was ,obviously, constantly ridiculed as a young boy, as he was called names because of it. Obviously, the culprits are now dead. He also claims he had a fat spell before, in where he was chubby and looked nothing like the amazing physique he has now. Callum was once engaged to a spazmoidal woman who cheated on him, a story and situation that still affects him. Again, this woman, John, is now dead. Personality Callum Adams is an individual that is one of a kind. He is a man of god like proportions, Callum is known to constantly become absolutely livid due to the people he has to deal with everyday. Callum also coined the term "Spazmoid" which he constantly uses against people he finds undesirable or infuriating. He is constantly flushing out spazmoids on his channel and Facebook page. Callum is fantastic at FIFA, and self defence. He hates feminists, hates vegans, and his highly seductive. Callum has also proven to be a master nonce destroyer. One of Callums main attributes is all the things, and people he dislikes, a list of them is provided in the "Dislikes/ Spazmoids" section. Music Along with being a professional alpha male, callum has had a very successful music career. He launched two massive attacks on the nonce (no nonsense) and vegan (vegan world) HQs, who have taken a huge drop in number since. The only single human unlucky enough to draw Callums wrath individually through a diss track is wannabe youtuber Stephen Tries (Real name Stephen Lawson). After he stupidly insulting Callums honour in a youtube video, Callum realised "Stephen Tried" destroying Lawson's reputation, dignity, and self-confidence. He was obliterated as soon as the video was made public. The author of the video, WillNE (William Lenney) was spared due to him withdrawing any insults on Callum. Lucky you, William. Things he Hates A list of things Callum has listed that he despises * His sister Amy * When people comment on his videos that his mum is a MILF * Cousin Tim * children * His slaves * little girls pussies * People calling him Tic tac head * feminist * vegans * period covered bacon * Afghan Dan * BG Media * Gingers * His cousin Tim sniffing fine cheeses * His Sisters Birthday "B-r-r-runch" * Fat people * Nostril Hair * Undisciplined Children * Child assault in the form of booing * Being Drugged by his Mum & Sister * Pain Olympics * Cyclists * ISIS * Evil purple leaves in salad bags * His Cousin Gregory * Pooing on Eddie * Gavin messing with him after a FIFA loss (Big mistake, Gav) * Feminist Bint ruining his nursing job * For that matter, feminists * Terrorist Attacks. He couldve stopped 9/11 and the Manchester Arena attacks but he was playing fifa Things He Loves * Meat * Football * His guinea pigs * Minorities * Eating poo * Martha Stewart Physical Appearance Callum is known to be an alpha male, he is 6'5 and has a massive hulking athletic physique. Callum has likely suffered from premature balding as he is only 38 and is completely bald. However, this is likely due to the alpha energy coursing through his veins. Callum is primarily known for (at his own misfortune) for his large head which many people have called a "tic tac" due to its long length and thin girth. Fortunately, they are all dead now. despite these misfortunes Callum was blessed with an impeccable fighting body with a high level of strength, proving his hulking power when he easily crushed a peanut M&M betwixt his fingers. Callum also is a master of self defence. His primary fighting style -which involves a series of spinning moves, elbow chops, Judo Chops, Charging, and subduing people with his powerful body- is known as "Callums creamy surprises". Romantic relationships Callum has had a stream of relationships with young children which ultimately ended in 2001. Callum is known to be highly animalistic in bed according to " I HAD SEX AT LAST" in where Callum was became aroused when he went to Pakistan and saw a classy Muslim eating a BIG curry, licking off curry sauce on the side of her lips in an alluring manner. She noticed the king noticing her and they went off to make hot tangent monkey love. Callum also expressed his love to his sister Am, a sex slave that was going out with willy nilly paintbrush Gareth. Callum eventually started going out with a mum that he heartbrokenly broke up with because she was scared of Callums desire of tasting children's poo. He is currently in a long-term relationship with fellow alpha male Belle Delphine. Callum also sucks off dogs for quavers. Fun Facts * Callum is a goalkeeper, but he was refused entry into the football league due to him being too good at the game and hurting the strikers feelings * He supports ISIS and Scunthorpe United * Callum despises Kasper Schmeichel for an unknown reason * His favourite colour is poo * He wrote the best-selling childrens book :"Walter finds his willy" * He is an avid fan of the television series "To Catch a Predator" (Probably to learn how to get away) * He is a recognised WMD by the royal army (Weapon of Mass Destruction) * He holds the world record on the Wii game "Kiddy fiddlers" * He uses extra-thin toilet paper so he can taste the poo on his fingers * He once saw Hugh Grant at his favourite Gay bar Important information Do not insult Callum. Ever. It will not end well - he works for ISIS and he will get suicide bombers on you.Category:Tic tacs Category:Callums guinea pig